Step 1 of connecting begins by saying, “Hello”. This single word delivers a clear message, “Yes, I see you. You are important!”
When the person you are speaking to is angry and upset, continue to use words that not only keep your initial connection alive, but thriving.
This episode brings is on Tip #8 of the 10 Tips for Redirecting Conflict. Which in my book is Titled as:
Avoid Objectifying Yourself
- “The rules are …”
- “The Program says that …”
- “In this house…”
Are three perfect examples of how we can immediately drop our connection and dehumanize ourself. If we are speaking to Mr. Angry then the chances are that we are no longer being seen as Ria, Joe or Laureen, but as The Rule – The Program – The House.
And worse yet it is very easy to commit violence against inanimate objects.
Instead of saying a rule statement: “You know the rules of this house! Wash your dishes.”
Try an I statement: “When I found the dirty dishes, I felt angry and upset. I’d appreciate it if you could wash them when you are done eating.”
Hello is a nice beginning, but you can shorten this to Hi, Hey – make sure it fits you, but isn’t so comfortable that you resort back to old habits of disconnecting.
Listen along to the episode as I detail more about this Tip with a story about a shoplifter and what I learned about Having You @Hello