043-PT24- Slow Dance

Learn the Slow Dance Methodology and turn your biggest challenges and toughest adversaries into smooth stepping partners on the dance floor of life.

We can all benefit from knowing how to ~ Slow Dance

We can all benefit from knowing how to ~ Slow Dance

You know you are a Slow Dancer when you maintaing the pace of “one step at a time” even as everyone around you is vying to make the dance go faster you continue with a steady and rhythmic pace of one step at a time.

Not only will that make you stand out on the ball room dance floor it will also make you stand out in a crowd when chaos is around.

Chaos fears the Slow Dancer, because he or she will not allow themselves to be directed by the events at hand.  Even when everything and everyone around the Slow Dancer begins to swirl out of control – the Slow Dancer remains steady-on.

Here are the 4-Key steps for beginning a Slow Dance with a distressed person

1- Normalize our rate of respiration – focus on inhalation and exhalation

2- Water – get or have the person get a glass of water

The act of drinking water requires us to drink slowly

3 – Sit down – have the person sit down while they are talking to you

4 – Ask, “When was the last time you ate?”

Food is grounding. They can get some crackers to chew on and help them get grounded before they do anything else.

The key is to slow down our tasks and notice each step along the way. As we practice we are able to call upon the skill of Taking One Step at a time

Read along with me. I am on page 97 of

Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management

 

042-PT23- Naked Emotions

When emotions are running high all thoughts, fears and truths are naked to the world. No need to cover up. Choose to set those naked emotions free.

When we acknowledge our emotions we release the reign of chaos.

When we acknowledge our emotions we release the reign of chaos.

We are discussing in this episode the 3rd tip in the Ten Tips to Redirecting Conflict the skills of “Acknowledging Emotions” from my book

Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management

In this podcast episode, we review a real life intervention that took place while I was a crisis clinician at at local hospital. I described the scene in my book and titled it “Permission to Cry”. It is on page 96.

In Permission to Cry…Never before had I seen a man so naked to the world then on the night of a later crisis call. He stood stock still and was described as being catatonic.

With a soft hand on his shoulder we worked together to acknowledge his emotions and help him move on.

You have permission to cry – acknowledge your emotions – stand on top of the tree tops and yell out loudly “Im fed up and I can’t take it any more!”

 There are certainly easy ways to emote. Don’t you agree?

Naked Emotions is not a particularly happy state is it. And yet, we have all experienced moments of pure humility and despair.

Please listen along and feel free to send me a line and share your own thoughts on this podcast and the feeling of naked emotions.

 

041-PT22- Silence & Chaos

What is loud, bold, and seemingly fearless of Chaos?

The answer might surprise you and yet it makes perfect sense.

The answer: Silence

PT22- Silence & Chaos

In this episode we discuss Silence, Tip #2 in the Ten Tips to Redirect Conflict.

You can find all 10-Tips on page 90 of

Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management

Why is Silence, so effective in leading chaos? 

Consider Silences first as a behavior and secondly as a crisis intervention technique.

1. As a behavior, Silence imparts and projects neutrality. It stands to reason that Chaos’s flame will not get fanned by neutrality.

2. Silence, provides the space to listen. Listening is a gift to a chaotic person.

3. If we begin our engagement with chaos in Silence, when we do eventually speak the chaotic person will be open to listen. 

4. Our Silence allows us time to think and to consider the safest course of action – which is always safety.

Practice Silence

  • Do take time to disconnect
    • turn off social media
    • turn off radio
    • turn off music
    • and yes take a breather even from podcasts.
  • Make sure that you feel comfortable in your own silence
  • Find quiet time to relax and think only of your breathing

Being comfortable in your own silence projects authority and ability.

Listen to the full episode to hear my own experience with Silence.

Great British Bed Push Update

Listen to this podcast episode: Great British Bed Push to find the behind the scenes story.

The bed is in Edinburg and is being repaired before she can roll on. So far 10,000 pounds have been raised – but that is still quite shy of her target of 200,000 pounds. Money she will use to build a home for vulnerable children. Donate Great British Bed Push donate

Please follow along and support her on twitter @fullreach

040-PT21- Hello Mr. Angry

The secret to successful anger management is to, “Say a lot, by saying a little”. Hear the first of 10 secret syrups to sweeten up angry communication in part 21 of the on going series The Leading Chaos Story.

I invite you to read along with me. I am on page 90 of my book Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management and we are going through the first of Ten Tips for Redirecting Conflict.

#1. Say a lot, by saying a little

For regular listeners of this podcast, you know the value of using 1-4 worded sentences …Read: short sentences that don’t have a lot of confusing directions or meaning.

To say a lot, by saying a little is to work on connecting with an angry person and helping them feel seen and heard.

Anger listens to "Hello"

Anger listens to “Hello”

 

3-messages that we want to convey to an angry person when working towards opening communication

1. We want to listen

2. You are so very important

3. We do have the intention to help you

As basic as these sound, they are pivotal for turning anger around and working towards opening channels of communication.

Download and listen now to this episode “Hello Mr. Angry”

Great British Bed Push Update*****

Rosie Mai is wearing red sneakers with her plaid PJs - #GreatBritishBedPush - what will she wear when this pair wears out?

Rosie Mai is wearing red sneakers with her plaid PJs – #GreatBritishBedPush – what will she wear when this pair wears out?

What’s that? You don’t know about Rosie Mai’s 1200 miles bed push to raise funds for vulnerable children? Listen to this podcast ep: Great British Bed Push to find the behind the scenes story.

The bed is in Edinburg and is being repaired before she can roll on.

We have been contacted via Response Training Programs Facebook page, by kind Scottish folk to find out if Rosie will be passing through Aviemore, Scotland a beautiful spot in the countryside. We hope they will connect and have a warm, dry bed for Rosie to sleep on.

Please follow along and support her on twitter @fullreach

And you can donate too, to support her drive to raise funds for a Children’s Home.

 

 

 

039-PT20- Win Anger Over

Five winning tools are discussed to help an angry person regain control and win them over from the dark side of anger.

photo by Ryan McGuire @BellsDesign

photo by Ryan McGuire @BellsDesign

I had a ton of fun reading following vignette in this episode – Listen for the music changes and let me know if you like this type of story telling.

Dramatic music in the background playing as Ria reads out loud the following story: Inside the house at 152 Lavender Lane, The Marshal family was getting ready for bed, everyone that is except for the eldest son, Sean. He was in his room talking to his friend Leo who had just told Sean that Kathy, Sean’s girlfriend was seen talking to John Smith – Sean’s arch-enemy ever since ninth grade…when John Smith and Kathy had dated for 2-weeks. Sean had a wicked temper and upon hearing this news about Kathy he slammed down the phone and knew he had to go out and find John Smith and tell him to stay away from his girl. Sean’s temper had been getting worse and worse and Mr. and Mrs. Marshal were beside themselves trying to figure out what to do!

Music change to Leading Chaos Podcast theme song “Pendulum”

~ That is until Mr. and Mrs. Marshal began subscribing to the Leading Chaos Podcast. The Marshal now know that people get upset and angry due to a loss of self control (listen to Ep:28-PT19-Undressing Anger like Mr. & Mrs. Marshal did ☺ to learn more about anger’s relationship to self control) and when Sean’s temper is flaring instead of taking Sean’s control away – they can instead empower Sean to regain self control. Music change back to dramatic tone…. Sean was carrying his sneakers and pulling up his sagging jeans and he ran down the stairs and into the Marshals living room Sean yelled out “I’ll be back in a while.” Mrs. Marshal said, “It’s 10 Sean can it wait till tomorrow?” “John Smith is seeing Kathy. No it can’t wait.” Mr. Marshal replied, “Girl trouble?” Ya, but I will take care of it. Mr. Marshal continued, “Can I ask you a quick favor?” “What?” said Sean hurriedly?

“I’m going to take a slow breath in and then exhale – please join me” Background music change again!

And without waiting Mr. Marshal started breathing in and letting his chest visibly rise. And then he exhaled out slow and loudly.

Sean looked at his father sideways and shook his head.

“Just this small favor Sean, I know you can do it.”

Sean, breathed in and Mrs. Marshal joined in too. With Mr. Marshal leading the breathing exercise, the three Marshals were able to all breathe out at the same time and then Sean snickered, “You guys are so weird.”

Mr. Marshal replied, “It is good to see you smile.” Then he said, “The night is long how and I know you really want to run right out the door. But you can control time right now. How about you and I go talk about this girl trouble and make a plan that you won’t regret.” Music in the background playing as Ria reads out loud the following story:

When we think we have no power or control, we can do simple steps to turn a situation around.

5- techniques to use when helping to win over an angry person

  1. Offer them choices
  2. Take care of their self image
  3. Acknowledge their power
  4. Address them with respect
  5. Provide a win/win solution

Listen to this episode and find out how to integrate these winning tools into your communication skill list.

Great British Bed Push Update*****

What’s that? You don’t know about Rosie Mai’s 1200 miles bed push to raise funds for vulnerable children? Listen to this podcast ep: Great British Bed Push to find the behind the scenes story.

She is moving south from Scotland to England.

She was given a safety vest from some kind stranger, but had a bit of negative comments.

Please follow along and support her on twitter @fullreach

and you can donate too, to support her drive to raise funds for a Children’s Home.

 

038 – PT19 – Undressing Anger

Undressing Anger is like pealing onion ~ Unpleasant at first, but once revealed it ain’t so bad.

Time to Undress Anger and show it for what it is...sometimes scary, but no so bad.

Time to Undress Anger and show it for what it is…sometimes scary, but no so bad.

 Yes, anger is banking on you not knowing what to do, what to say and what to think.

Anger loves the “what’s” that create confusion and chaos. But, with a little bit of know-how you can peal away at anger and undress its flame.

And it gets better!

All we have to do is peal away the onion and anger one layer at a time.

In this episode I share a pivotal moment for me when I “got” anger for the first time and eliminated the odor.

It all began, while researching on the cause and effect of anger and writing what is today known as the Response Curriculum. I came across an article written by Dr. Barry J. Nigrosh titled “Physical Contact Skills in Specialized Training for Prevention and Management o f Violence” which referred to the Fear of Loss of Self-Control as the generalized cause of anger and aggression.

Ah-Ha! I thought. That makes absolute sense, but what followed in that article from 1983 has stuck with me ever since –

  1. The attack or violent episode gives the person a brief moment of power and thus relief from feeling hopelessness.
  1. The person fears losing control, they feel power from the violent act, but it also stirs up an immense amount of anxiety internally.

With these two layers I began approaching anger from a whole new direction and no longer feared it, because it’s stink no longer stuck. :)

Listen to the full podcast here and learn how to use these two statements to undress anger in your own backyard.

Do you want to leave a Rating and Review for this podcast on iTunes and don’t know how?

Here’s how.

Click on this picture and it will take you to the iTunes page

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Step 2 for iTunes Rating and Review

Step 2 for iTunes Rating and Review

Step 3: Write Review Box in iTunes

Step 3: Write Review Box in iTunes

Thank you!

037-PT18- Upside of Confrontation

Confrontation has a bad reputation. We consider it both, obnoxious and ineffective. And for the most part that is absolutely true, but for every truth there is an exception.

In this episode,

I explore the exception to the rule and call it the

“Upside of Confrontation”, aka, This Unruly Intervention’s Positive Attributes +++

Wouldn't you prefer to be on the winning side of a confrontation?

Wouldn’t you prefer to be on the winning side of a confrontation?

To get to the Upside, we must first clarify the Downside, so you can stay on track and keep moving forward.

3 Notable Downsides

1- If this is your only way to manage conflict it will weaken your authority. Read: people begin to both expect your rants and thus ignore you.

2- The person you are confronting might seek retaliation.

3-It is a less than perfect role model for how-to manage conflict, because it is rarely done well.

4-Confrontation doesn’t provide an exit.

What is an exit? Find out more via Episode 30-Pt13-Create Exits

Upside to Confrontation:

Sometimes it works!

A well-placed confrontation can create scene safety.

A well-placed confrontation can create scene safety.

A well-placed confrontation requires perfect timing. The following are 3-key elements to using this technique well.

1-Make sure you can keep yourself safe, if you become a target of aggression, after confronting someone.

2-Be clear and concise with your statements.

3-Act without ego, as your driver.

When do I use confrontation?

When a person is being bullied

When I see an injustice

Make sure you are speaking an authentic truth, like I did in episode 31-Pt14- Give Conflict an Action. In that episode I asked the angry young man to “Walk with me. Please”, but before that point when the crowd was gathering and wanted to see a fight, I began chanting “No fighting here, there are children.” It was both a direct message and an authentic truth that is hard to argue.

Listen to this episode now  and hear my background story of a Confrontation that worked.

036-PT17 – Opening the Blindside

Angry, fearful, traumatized and even over exuberant people all have one thing in common. They only see what is directly in front of them. Figuratively speaking, they are walking as if they are wearing blinders, like a horse does when pulling a carriage.

This photo shows us exactly what a horse can see when they are wearing blinders. Use this imagine to determine where to stand when your goal is to speak to the person, not their blindside.

This photo shows us exactly what a horse can see when they are wearing blinders. Use this imagine to determine where to stand when your goal is to speak to the person, not their blindside.

If you are attempting to help a person in distress who is unaware of you because you are standing on their blindside, then you are essentially wasting your breath and most likely…a whole lot of words.

Why? People have a blindside when chaos is present in the form of anger, fear, trauma and slap happy drunkenness. Each of these emotions can consume our clarity.

In this episode I unveil how to make sure you are talking to the person and not their blindside.

Below are 4-opening for the blindside, but if you listen to the podcast you will get a whole lot more info on each technique.

1. Position yourself diagonally off to the side of the person, when speaking.

Avoid talking to them like a Drill Sargent would on the side and into the person’s ear.

They won’t see you.

2. Use your hands to create movement and direct the person towards your voice.

Make sure to use both hands.

3. Nod your head in the direction that you want the person to move.

4. Use Civility. Like Excuse me, Thank you for listening and Walk with me. Please. I have a dedicated podcast to this topic here.  Ep:027-PT10-Story-Civilty Works

Great British Bed Push Update

Roise Mai Iredale had to soup up her bed and put on fancy new wheels.

New wheels on #RosieMai bed for #GreatBritishBedPush

New wheels on #RosieMai bed for #GreatBritishBedPush

She trucked the bed north to Scotland and will be pushing the bed to south England.

Listen to my interview with Rosie Mai Ep:034-Special-Great British Bed Push

Follow along on our twitter chat by using #GreatBritishBedPush

And @leadingchaos and @FullReach

 

 

 

035-Breathe to Relax

How often do you take time to Breathe to Relax. Sure you think about it, but doing it can be oh, so hard. The Breathe2Relax App not only guides you, but provides real time data on your rate of respiration and your level of stress.

Take time to Breathe to Relax

Take time to Breathe to Relax

In this podcast I will provide you with the opportunity to breathe along as we sort through the Breathe to Relax App. This App is from The National Center for Telehealth & Technology which is a component center of the Defense Centers of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury (DCoE). 

The App is really worthwhile for helping you manage the worst of days and the best of days and when you can’t slow down your breath.

Chaos love it when we feel out of sorts, so why not try the free Breathe2Relax App now.

Do subscribe to this podcast on iTunes and please leave a review and rating.

034-Special-Great British Bed Push

The Great British Bed Push is Rosie Mai Iredale’s biggest challenge yet for her charity – Full Reach. She is pushing a bed 1,200-miles from London to Scotland, to raise funds for building a home for vulnerable children.

Full Reach founder, Rosie Mai Iredale, is pushing a bed from London to Scotland.

Full Reach founder, Rosie Mai Iredale, is pushing a bed from London to Scotland.

Rosie Mai is the founder of Full Reach and this is not her first challenge, albeit is it the greatest thus far. She has already lived off of only 1-pound per day for 30-days and during another challenge lived for 4-days without the ability to see, hear or speak.

She sets off on May 1, 2015 to not only raise awareness for the need of beds for vulnerable children, but to actually raise funds to build a Children’s Home. This enterprising 25-year-old will don pajamas and sleep in the 110-pound bed each night. She is relying on good weather, kind people and safe havens, as she travels north.

Listen to her story behind the bed push and donate today to Full Reach.

http://www.fullreach.co.uk/reach/

http://www.fullreach.co.uk/reach/

Follow along on her quest and give her a shout our via twitter @fullreach

Look to her youtube channel for updates and past and present challenges.

See Rosie’s bed under construction