In this episode learn a key piece of information to consider when working to create dialogue with a chaotic person. A chaotic person is angry, emotional, and possibly psychotic.
You might have a family member who is chaotic. You might work with people who are chaotic. And of course we have all been chaotic at one point or another in our life. Go ahead fess up – you’ve been beside youself with rage, emotional and unable to listen to reason. It is not a good feeling nor a pretty site. But that is life when life feels raw and disorder abounds.
It might be hard to remember if or how you finally were able to continue on and have a conversation, but of course I remember, because my life’s work is all about finding great options to help those who cannot help themselves. And certainly when we are chaotic we are not helping our self.
I’m considering this episode as Part 1 of How to Create Dialouge with a Chaotic Person. I have so much material on this topic that this could easily be a series, but lets first get into the first key point and please let me know if you are finding this topic useful.
When confronted by a chaotic person consider that:
A Chaotic Person is Drunk on Their Own Rage.
When a person is chaotic, upset, and angry at the world and everyone around them, they in a state of disorder that makes them unable and unwilling to listen.
If they are in rage, their breathing might be shallow or too rapid. In either case it is not a normal rate of respiration and that is your first clue that whatever you say they really aren’t listening. I don’t care if you tell them they just won Lotto, They are not going to hear you.
Just like a person who is intoxicated. Their blood alchohol level needs to come down before they can have a rational conversation that they might actually remember.
It can be very frightening not knowing what to say and having a person screaming at you or threatening you. So think: If a chaotic person can only hear one or two words, then there is no need to figure out what to say.
Instead of trying to talk back at the person, begin with just too simple words. And use them as your measurement of determining if it is worth saying anymore or maybe it is time to exit.
I’m providing a link on this episode’s show notes so that your take a look at Clarrissa Ward’s interview with an Islamic extremist. She is a reporter for CBS News and she did a piece on a tv show called 60 Minutes. She was reporting from the United Kingdom and talking with Extremist on the streets of London. There are these street patrols there where these extremist confront people like woman saying they should cover up, they also confront you if you are gay and they also confront people who are drinking. They abide by a fanatical interpretation of Islam.
Ms. Ward had a heck of a time trying to interview a key figure in the UK these days. He insulted her on her views and stayed true to his message of extremism, which in short is nothing new, in that we have heard this from other chaotic people over the course of history who want to take over the world with the sole view of ‘my way or death to you’.
That sure is chaotic.
For Ms. Ward I tip my hat to you wow what a tough interview. Instead of listening to the chaotic man ( because he really wasn’t making any sense) I watched Ms Ward as she tried to be rational with this guy. You could see, he had gotten her goat (meaning in short he had won before they even started since he was using an age old technique of “putting her on the defense first”.
As I watched I couldn’t help think that instead of trying to rationalize with this man why not consider him “drunk on his own rage” After all isn’t that what extremism is – being so full of your self that you are intoxicated on your own self vision?
He demonstrated a classic representation of someone who is not able to engage in a coherent conversation. Ms Ward, you did a terrific job letting us know about this troubling develop of extremism. You led chaos and I commend you for that.
It is a troubling clip to watch, but provides an excellent representation of a chaotic person.
Seems to me to be a good time to exit and Ms Ward had that option. Unfortunately, not everyone has that option.
Let’s get back to those two words that one can say to a Chaotic Person.
I always like to begin with “Thank you.” It typically stops the person in their tracks They don’t expect it. Chaotic People expect push back. Now I am not condoning absolute passiveness, by saying Thank You. Pushing back is very different that setting and creating boundaries.
The goal is to lead and not be led. By doing something out of the norm, we begin to Create Dialogue with a Chaotic Person.
In Part 2 of this series I will go into what you Say after you’ve said “Thank you”. So please make sure to subscribe to this podcast so that you will not miss that next episode.
Speaking of helping yourself. Are you a teacher, do you work as a care taker, or work in human services? Maybe you are a first responder and emergency care worker. I have an excellent resource for you.
My book Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management details a simple protocol to use when faced with a potentially volatile scene. It is user friendly for parents, family members and any one looking for tools to create safety for themselves and others. Look for a link to this book in the show notes of this episode. Or look for it on Amazon. Google Leading Chaos; An Essential Guide to Conflict Management Revised Edition (2010). This edition is also available in English and Dutch and in ebook via Smashwords.
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When I discussed this APP at the same time there was news about the Flashlight APP stealing info off you phone – basic identify theft. As far as I know this APP is safe, but always make sure that you are not agreeing to every little detail on the APP without knowing the ramifications for your data.
